


in the act of knowing

by poalimal



Series: the process [3]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Communication, Gen, M/M, The Process, What's a secret to a Samwellian?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 03:23:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14824307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poalimal/pseuds/poalimal
Summary: You always make me work to know you.





	in the act of knowing

 

'You've been in a good mood lately,' Yael observes one day. She says it with a smile.

Jack pushes down a wince. He's never really liked it when someone's pointed out his moods, whether good or not-so-good. It used to put him into an almost incapacitating spiral of self-doubt. But he understands that Yael doesn't mean anything in particular by it.

He shrugs. Yael seems content to keep going over Chapter 10. They move on.

Or she does, at least. Jack's mind is stuck in place.

When you decide things on your own, Bitty said once, and act like I can't know any better about something I do that bothers you, can you understand that I really will never know any better if you don't ever say anything? You always make me work to know you, Jack. And I don't mind that. I'll never mind that. But then you punish me for not knowing you enough. You forgive, and you resent from the same place.

Just the other night, just from the simple act of them scrolling through movies on Netflix and Jack vetoing stuff, Justin had said, I like it when you tell me what you like. It makes me feel like, I dunno. Like you're letting me unlock a secret code or something.

Yael flips the page, hm'ing to herself, tapping her pen up over her notes. Jack can hear his throat click when he swallows. Yael stops at the middle paragraph, circled in green and annotated with ÉCLA--!, and says: 'I think you need to give a bit more context here, ah? You have fought for non-traditional scholarship, so don't be afraid to really dig deep into these sources. I understand what you mean, but only because we have spoken about this at length. Other people, they may not understand.'

Jack opens his mouth to respond, to explain that his elaboration will take up all of Chapter 11, which he's working on now. Instead he says, '--I feel uncomfortable when I think I'm being scrutinised.'

Yael looks up at him, eyebrows raised. She blinks at him from behind her glasses. 'Sorry,' he says. 'I'm not talking about these edits. Earlier you said I've been in a good mood lately. When I hear stuff like that, it makes me remember when I had to--' he switches to English briefly '-- _act out_ happiness.' He waffles. 'Sorry. I know you didn't mean anything by it.' He ducks his head. 'Forget I said anything. We can get back to talking about the book.'

'No, that is--' Yael puts down the packet. 'Thank you. I appreciate you... telling me, Jack. Thank you. I will keep that in mind.' She smiles and touches his forearm lightly. And it's like a little knot unwraps itself in Jack's stomach, a knot he had never even noticed was there.

Like unlocking a secret code, huh? Maybe Justin is onto something.

 

* * *

 

Later that week Jack's cleaning the inside of his helmet in the garage when he gets a text from Lardo. _Can you check on Justin?_

He puts his helmet down and goes inside, where he's got better signal. He shoots off a couple texts and then paces back-and-forth in the kitchen, waiting for Lardo to pick up. Didn't she just text him? Why would she not pick up?

'Sorry, hey, I just got off the phone with Adam,' Lardo says, after the fourth ring. Her voice abruptly brightens. 'Hey, y--ha ha, yeah! I'll catch up with you later, Dan! Ha ha! Yup, see ya!' Dan must be a real asshole, Jack concludes. It's all right there in Lardo's voice. 'Sorry about that,' she says, in her regular voice. She's breathing a little hard through her nose, so she must've walked a ways away. 'I can talk now.'

'How is Adam?' Jack asks politely. 'How's the family?'

'Wife and kids are fine, I'm fine, we're all fine,' Lardo says, audibly handwaving his questions. 'Adam's, you know. Having a child.'

'Oh. Ok,' says Jack. Is this not good news? He can't really tell by her tone. 'Linda's pregnant?'

'Yup,' Lardo says. 'Shannon told me by accident, he was looking over the statement they're putting out tonight. Can you, I don't know, stage a boy's night in or something? I don't know how hard this will be on Justin, and I don't want him to be alone.'

Jack's still confused. And a little insulted on Justin's behalf, to be honest. 'I know Justin's talked about feeling a little--behind compared to you and Adam, but I don't think this would upset him. I think he would be really happy.'

'No, Jack, that's not,' Lardo sighs sharply. 'All right, I'm going to tell you something. And we're not going to talk about it, and you're not going to react, or repeat it, because I shouldn't be saying this at all. Ok?'

'O-k,' Jack says, slowly.

'So Justin was in love with Adam for-- for years,' she says. Jack stops in place. 'And they've been talking again, and Justin's been getting kind of... pine-y. Again. I think. I don't know. I can't really tell. I just-- I don't want him to disappear on us again because he feels like he can't be openly sad about this. Ok? So can you call him? Please?'

'Yea,' says Jack, nodding even though she cannot see, 'yea, sure, I'll do it right now. I'll tell you how it goes.'

Lardo hangs up without responding, because she has never, not in all the years he's known her, ever said goodbye on the phone. She thinks it's bad luck, so he's never going to tell her this, but it actually kind of makes him sad. He huffs out a laugh at himself, shaking his head, while he scrolls through his contacts. Scratch that, he's never telling anyone that.

Of course, his phone freezes half-way through the B's because his phone is a piece of crap that derives genuine joy from him accidentally calling his ex. This stuff always happens when someone's trying to call him--

\--oh. Justin's calling him.

'Hello?' he says, carefully. He's not sure what he's expecting.

'Jack!' Justin says. He's loudly whispering, and his voice is echoing oddly. Is he in the toilet? 'I got your text! Yes, I'm still at work! You always ask me that on weekdays, and the answer is always yes! Linda-is-pregnant!!!' He laughs, sounding giddy. 'Shit. I didn't mean to say anything! Ignore I said that! Ignore me from saying that! Ugh! Ignore-what-I-said! Ha-ha-ohh-my-god, dude, Adam's gonna be such a great dad! Linda's gonna be great, toooo, ohhhmygod, I'm getting really emotional here, haha, I'm so happy for them! Oh my goddd-- Oh, wait.' He laughs a little, starts talking in a completely normal voice. 'You already knew, didn't you? I can tell by your complete non-reaction, hahaha.'

I like it when you laugh, Jack thinks. I want to see you laugh. 'Yea, I just found out a few minutes ago, too,' he says. He pauses. He doesn't really want to talk about Adam or Linda right now. 'Hey.'

'Hey!' Justin says back brightly. Jack can hear him smiling, and it's making him smile, too.

'Come over tonight,' he says.

'Ooh,' says Justin, ' _bossy_. I like it.' Jack can practically hear him Groucho Marx'ing his eyebrows. He rolls his eyes and tries to stop smiling. 'But I can't, sorry,' Justin continues. 'It's Date #3 with Luke, and I gotta get ready.' Ah, right: Luke. So that's still happening. 'But hey, how about tomorrow night? Hm? Will you save a space on your couch for li'l old me?'

Jack snorts. 'Ransom, there is nothing little about you,' he chirps.

But Justin just laughs. 'Oh, Jack,' he says. 'Your ass is larger than my head. Nothing you say can harm me! Bahahaha. I gotta go. Expect several peach emoji's from me. Bahaha--'

Jack hangs up on him. _He's fine_ , he texts Lardo. _He said I have a big ass_.

Lardo responds with the little sideways eyes, which Jack has never really gotten the tenor of, but assumes is being used playfully. He responds with _Yes_ , and turns off his screen.

 

* * *

 

He stays up a little later than usual, waiting - but Justin never sends him the peaches.

 

**Author's Note:**

> (Does Jack ever call Lardo Larissa?)


End file.
